I have to admit, I never EVER thought I would be a stay-at-home-mom. I always new I wanted to have children, but I also wanted a booming career. I wanted my future husband and I to be a “Power Couple”
When Scott and I first started dating, I remember telling him that I had no intentions what so ever to stay at home with my future kids. I planned on finishing my bachelors degree, getting my masters and then my PHD. I wanted more than anything to run my own thriving business. And if that did not fit with his plans, we should just hang up the phone and continue on trying to find our “Right one” because I was not willing to budge.
I wanted to hire people to clean my home, and I wanted to buy expensive meals, and drive the nicest cars, etc, etc, etc. I also, wanted to make money, and support my family. I felt this way right up until 1:42 p.m. on October 31, 2010.
Let me back up for a second. June 2010 I lost my job, long story that just makes me full of anger. Anyway, even being 7+ months pregnant I got another job offer and they were willing to let me start after I gave birth, and stayed home for 8 weeks. I was beyond excited about this job. I was going to be the manager of a very successful Real Estate company. I could not wait to get started.
Then Greyson was born. In that moment my life changed, forever. I remember vividly the following conversation with my Hubby:
We were driving home from the hospital. I was sitting in the back seat of the car, next to Greyson, and Scott was driving….slowly, very slowly. ; ) this is how it happened:
*I started sobbing. Scott turned to look at me very confused.
Scott: What’s wrong!?!?
Me: I CANNOT LEAVE HIM
Scott: What? What’s wrong, when are you leaving him?
Me: On December 8th, I start my new job. I thought it was what I wanted. We need me to work for the money. But I cannot do it. I cannot ever leave him.
Scott: It will be fine. You do not have to go back to work. I will figure it out. Please don’t be upset. Please don’t cry.
And just like that with my insane post baby hormones, I declared I was not going back to work. and my overly amazing husband “just-like-that” agreed, and took on all the stress of supporting our family. (For the record he is doing a wonderful job)
It has been 17 months, and I have not left Greyson. Sure we have a few date nights (I think 4 in the past 17 months). But I don’t leave him. I have to admit, however, it is not easy or nearly as glamorous as I in that brief moment thought it would be. There have been numerous times, I wished I had gone back to work on the 8th. But there are billions and billions and billions more moments where I am so grateful to be at home with him.
Like this morning.
At 10:00 this morning, I played Lego’s with my son. So few people can say that.
30 minutes ago, I rocked Greyson to sleep for his nap. and I LOVED it. I know that he is growing so fast, and that someday I will look back with tears streaming down my cheeks wishing I could just rock him to sleep, one more time. But he will be 13, and I know he wont let me do it. So, for now I will. and I will cherish the moments.
Or, last week. It was a beautiful day so we went outside and I got to capture him drawing with chalk for the first time.
It has been 17 months, and I still cannot even being to wrap my mind around how much I love this little boy.
Staying-At-Home is not all about Lego’s and drawing with chalk. Most of my days are spent doing the things I knew I never wanted to do…
Like, cleaning. I am constantly picking up toys, and socks and books, and Lego’s and a million other things. I can honestly say I hate making and cleaning up 3 full meals a day. The laundry never ever ever ends, and neither do the spills, and messes. I never to go shower alone, or in peace. The house is 95% of the time a complete disaster. Between Greyson, Lola and my never ending projects… Scott comes home from work and it is a GREAT day/night when dinner is ready, or we are all still dressed in decent clothes.
Despite doing the things I knew I never wanted to do, I would not trade this day or any of the previous days in the past 17 months, for anything. It took me a while to find my groove, and get comfortable at staying home, but I am so grateful to my Husband for being so supportive, and allowing me this time with our son.
Someday, however, I will run my own thriving business…I just wont be a doctor, when I do it. And that is okay, with me!